watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize