When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
