why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
