After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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