I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
