I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
