walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
