apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
