she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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