she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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