'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
