corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
