I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
