DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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