That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have tasted many bathrooms
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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