Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
