I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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