i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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