so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
