No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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