No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize