Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
