Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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