She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
