return my video game
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
