Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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