I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
