Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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