is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
