Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
