its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have post one night stand depression
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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