And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
