he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
