I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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