atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
