Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
