your thong is hanging out like whoa
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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