Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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