In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can I color on your dick again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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