You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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