How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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