I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
