You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
