her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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