Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
