I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
