I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
