Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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