I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
