Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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