Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
