Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
