also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
