i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
