i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
