Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
