i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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