I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
