i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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