Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
