youre lurking in front of me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
