It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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