Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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