youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
