Jerry, you need to find god
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want a musical about memes.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
