I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
