Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want a musical about memes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
