sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
