I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
