i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
