Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize