there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
