so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize