u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just cut my nipple shaving
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
