finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
