Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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