I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize