Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
