Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
