your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
