he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
